


falling in love is the last thing I should do

by SaraJaye



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Awkwardness, Chocolate Box Treat, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Ladykiller In Love, Love Confessions, Male-Female Friendship, Self-Doubt, Sylvain knows he's a disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22473532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: Sylvain is nothing if not self-aware, and he knows himself well enough that he knows Bernadetta von Varley is the last person he should have feelings for.
Relationships: Sylvain Jose Gautier/Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 62
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 5





	falling in love is the last thing I should do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WolffyLuna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolffyLuna/gifts).



All he wanted was to read more of her stories, and the only thing he wanted to convince her of was her writing talent. That people really _did_ enjoy her work and didn't just want to humiliate or chastise her. Frankly, he'd never met anyone with confidence in the negatives before. Dedue didn't think highly of himself, but he was more quiet about it. Bernadetta seemed set in her beliefs that nothing she did was worthwhile and that any praise was just meant to lure her into a trap.

Once, he made the mistake of asking her what kind of a childhood she'd had to believe those things. Not a mistake in that she got angry and stormed away, but in that she told him and it was all he could do not to yell about how he'd like to _throttle_ that father of hers. His own parents could be a handful, always putting pressure on him to carry House Gautier now that Miklan was six feet under, but what kind of parent told his own daughter she was worthless and unmarriagable because she enjoyed singing and writing stories?

 _But hitting him isn't going to change what happened. The damage is done._ And that might humiliate her even more.

"He's not here now, Bernadetta, and he's been put under house arrest. He can't even sneeze without permission, much less come over here and yell at you," he'd said. After that, she seemed to relax a little, at least enough to start leaving her notebooks under his door at night so he could read her work. Then one day she started inviting him to meet her in the library so she could give him her stories in person. After a while they'd just meet there to talk whether or not she'd written anything new.

Bernadetta needed a friend, someone to tell her how great she was and encourage her to hone her many talents. That was all Sylvain wanted to be.

He hadn't planned on falling in love with her. Correction, he'd gone out of his way _not_ to see her as date or flirt material because even before he knew about her past she was the _worst_ kind of girl to be involved with someone like him.

Sylvain tried not to care about his reputation or the damage he did, but deep down he knew he was a terrible person when it came to women. That he blamed them for his misery because it was easier than admitting he was afraid to trust them, slept with girl after girl much to the disgust of his friends who believed he could be a better person than that. Then he felt guilty for disappointing the people he _did_ trust.

Bernadetta had been through too much to deserve to be sucked into the mess that was Sylvain José Gautier's personal life. Ingrid or Felix or Dimitri being pissed off at him he was used to, they'd scold and yell at him and he'd laugh it off. But if he hurt Bernadetta after managing to earn her trust, he'd be a monster worse than what he'd seen Miklan turn into, or Jeralt's killer, or Lady Cornelia.

He tried to ignore his feelings, pretend he still just saw her as a good friend. He treated her the way he'd treat a sister, even as her smile made his heart race or feeling her move closer to him set the butterflies loose in his stomach, or hearing her laugh made his cheeks burn brightly.

_It's no good. I'm in love with her, and she deserves better._

"Um...Sylvain?" She shifted away from him, fixing him with a worried gaze. "You've been awfully quiet and your mind seems like it's somewhere else. I-is something wrong?" _Is it me? Did I do something to make you mad?_ her tone screamed. He shook his head, trying to force a smile.

"Berndaetta, I've really enjoyed getting to spend this time with you," he said. "I'm glad you've become so much more comfortable with me...and to tell the truth, meeting you like this has become the highlight of my day." She tensed, pulling away a bit more.

"I-I really like spending time with you, too, Sylvain...but..." She turned away. "I think I know what you're about to say, and I don't think I can bear to hear it!" she blurted out. Sylvain flinched. _She can see it too, huh, or Ingrid told her already._

"Bernadetta, listen-"

"No...Sylvain, please, I can't just-I couldn't stand being just another girl for your collection! I'm glad we're friends, so let's just keep it that way, okay? I don't want to end up hating myself for trusting someone like you!" _Ouch._ She was right, but hearing the words still stung.

_It doesn't matter how I feel, though, she's been hurt too much._

"I know," he said. "You've smiled more when we're together than I've ever seen you smile before, and I know I'll just ruin that if I try to go any further. So don't worry. Friends we are, and friends we'll remain."

"Oh..." Was it just him, or did she almost look disappointed? "Well...good!"

"Yeah...good."

They met again the next day and tried to pretend nothing had happened, but it was painfully awkward. So were their next few meetings, and Sylvain wished the professor's Divine Pulse could turn back time to before he'd made it that way. _If I'd just worded things better, if I hadn't given her the wrong idea..._

By the end of the week, he'd decided it was time to ask Ingrid for some advice on how to fix things. But when he left his room to go find her, Bernadetta was standing outside his door.

"I'm sorry to just show up like this! But it's important!" she said. "I just wanna say I'm _so_ sorry for going off on you like that, Sylvain! I mean, I accused you of bad intentions just like I did before we became friends, and I just _know_ I hurt your feelings, because if you were gonna try to collect me you'd have already done it and you never did! So...I'm sorry. For thinking the worst about you!"

She hugged him, and Sylvain felt his brain go blank as his heart sped up. _Bernadetta..._

After a moment, he managed to lift his arms and return her embrace, his hands awkwardly resting on her back. Her small body trembled against his, and he closed his eyes.

"I'm the one who-"

"No! Don't apologize! It was-"

"Bernadetta, I _am_ in love with you," he said. "And I knew if I even hinted at it you'd never believe me, and I don't blame you. I know what my reputation is, and you're the last person I want to risk hurting. All I wanted was for you to be happy, and if it meant squashing my own feelings, then I would."

"But I _don't_ want that." She relaxed a little, pressing her face against his shoulder. "Because...well..." She sniffled, pulling back so she could look up at him. "I fell in love with you, too, and I've been trying to pretend I wasn't...even if you weren't, well, you, I didn't know if I was good enough for a guy like you."

Sylvain reached up to brush away the tears glistening at the edges of her eyelashes.

"You're _too_ good for a guy like me," he said. "But if I'm what you want, then I'll try my best to be the kind of person you deserve. You have my word."

"Oh, Sylvain..." She smiled, bringing her hand up to tentatively cup his cheek, tilting her head up towards his until their lips were only inches apart. "Will you...I mean, can I..."

"I was about to ask you the same thing." He leaned down and closed the distance between them.


End file.
